Happiness is much like pain. It cannot be defined, only experienced.
I tried to look it up to write this article, like a dumbass, and found a simple definition.
Happiness is the condition or state of being happy.
Well, thanks a lot, Webster. I never would’ve figured that out.
I hear people say, “If only X would happen, I’d be happy.” Or “If I only had X I would be happy.”
Jim Carrey once said his greatest wish for all mankind was that they would everything they ever wanted in life, so they could understand it’s never going to make them truly happy. He spoke from his own truth, growing from having nothing to having everything he could ever desire.
Happiness is much like light. It’s there, you can see its effects. You can tell when there is light in a space. Absence of light is darkness, and absence of happiness is sadness, anger, and a host of other negative emotions. But if happiness is only defined by the emotions that it generates, or that generate it, how can we achieve happiness? Do we address the emotions, the conditions, or the actions involved?
I’ve heard it said that clinical depression is lack of happiness at doing things that would normally bring you joy. Those who suffer clinical depression simply don’t feel like doing anything, because it doesn’t make a difference in how they feel. Happiness is an elusive long forgotten dream for them.
I’ll discuss two elements of happiness. Expectations of happiness and biological happiness.
Happiness is obviously a state. A state that is precluded by conditions. If conditions are right, we are happy. If conditions are not right, we are not happy. Our lives are bombarded by a multitude of various dynamic and ever-changing conditions flowing from one moment to another. None of this is within our control. We have absolutely no control from moment to moment what we could possibly face. We could be laughing with friends or family in a car going to a place we believe will generate happiness within us, then learn it is closed. Happy, then unhappy.
This is one example of expectation of happiness. We expect one thing and receive another. I’ve told my clients and students for years that the gap between what we expected and what happened is where all our anxiety begins. We want a new Ferrari for our 16th birthday, but we received a used Camry. Honestly, I would’ve loved a Camry, I got a Grenada with bad paint. Since I wasn’t expecting a car anyway, I elatedly accepted the Grenada Dad brought home that day.
While I’m not an expert on happiness and I’m not some highly trained clinician, I can only offer my opinions on the matter.
I believe happiness is what we create. I know it sounds cliché, but I believe gratitude generates our feelings of happiness in any given situation.
I’ve heard one person complaining about how the rain will cancel the football game and now the streets will flood like they do every time and now they’ll have to clean out the gutters and rake the limbs up afterwards and …..
Meanwhile the person standing next to him will express relief that we’ve needed rain for so long and it’s a good thing the rain will help keep the crops alive and flourishing and wash all the filth off the roads and he can watch his kids play in the puddles and …..
Can attitude create happiness? Can simply accepting what is instead of what we wanted it to be create happiness?
I read a short post this week that suggests that when we chase our desires we actually create more lack of what we chase. If we chase happiness, we will continue to find it has slipped through our fingers and we can never be happy enough. The writer also suggested wealth is the same way. But that’s another blog post.
In Buddhism it is suggested we accept conditions as they are instead of expending effort to try to force external conditions to conform to our desires. Every roadblock is mean to be there so we will change our path to one that might provide us with more opportunities.
One quote read, “Once conditions are perfect, I’ll be happy. We should think if I’m happy, conditions are perfect.”
There are always things to complain about. Hell, I find myself complaining (quite humorously in fact) about conditions.
“Oh sure, Joe” you say. “Let’s all be ‘glass half full’ kind of people. Let’s just walk around convincing ourselves that everything is wonderful when some of it isn’t. That’s bullshit”
No. That’s blind ignorance. Some things suck a minute. We must deal with that. But not everything sucks all the time. Remember that.
The Dalai Lama once said that he also gets sad, angry, and heartbroken – but he doesn’t live there.
The other side of the coin is the biological aspect of happiness. Happiness is felt when hormones are generated within the body and taken up by receptors in the brain. The main happiness hormones are serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin. When our nervous system encounters certain conditions, these hormones and neurotransmitters are taken up and they generate euphoric sensations that we recognize as feelings of happiness. I’m no endocrinologist so I’ll put an end to the chemical explanations.
There are factors involved in the production, transport, and uptake of these hormones. One factor is guarded by our autonomic nervous system. If we are in the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight), these hormones are muted. It’s hard to feel happiness if we see a phone call we don’t want to have to take, or wreck our car. Joy is not felt if we see a sketchy person approaching us while pumping gas. We must pull back from the sympathetic nervous system and into the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) if we want to generate these happiness hormones.
I’ll have to write another post about the parasympathetic nervous system, the vagus nerve, and the adrenals. It’s too much to go into today. Once we learn to handle our stress reactions to our surroundings and situations, we are chemically more apt to experience happiness.
No one can walk into a room and point to something within and say, “That’s stress” or “This is stress.” The snake that sends you into a panic attack will be picked up by someone else and pet like a kitten. It wasn’t the snake. It was your response to the snake.
The other factor involves our guts. No, not as in having the guts to do some stuff, our real guts. The intestines. Most of our happiness hormones are manufactured in the gut. It is the center of our immune system as well. I’ve ranted on about the dangers of manufactured foods for some time now. The chemicals in those foods interfere with production of the four main happiness hormones. Sure, it feels good to eat PopTarts, Cheez its, Twizzlers, and Mountain Dew, but that’s simply satisfying a craving. Incidentally, it is a craving generated by the chemicals in the foods. But over the long run, these food-type-products offer no nutrition and can affect how you manufacture the hormones needed for joy.
Ultimately, we cannot control our circumstances or situations, but we can always control how we react to them. This is a viewpoint change.
We can also control our stress response. There are numerous techniques to reduce our stress response. I’ll have to write another blog post about that too. Looks like I have some work to do, work work work.
We can also control what we put into our mouths. We can choose with each meal (or snack if that’s what you’re into) how we will feed our bodies.
We cannot control what cannot be controlled. But we can control how we respond to things in our environment.
In all our lives, we can truly control only two things.
What we put in our minds.
What we put in our mouths.
And wouldn’t some sense of control in our lives make us just a little bit happier?
Are you happy now?
Weeg
Joe “Weeg” Weigant is a Board Certified Massage Therapist, Holistic Health Authority, Reiki Master Teacher, Herbalist, Metaphysician, and Empowerment Coach. He combines bodywork, energy work, and coaching to improve quality of life by healing from the outside in and from the inside out.
Weeg sells Nature’s Sunshine Products, Pure Herbs Ltd., doTERRA, and Juice Plus+. Weeg suggests lifestyle changes and provides herbal remedies to his clients so they may build new habits for long life and vibrant health. He teaches Karate and Tai Chi, Reiki Certification, as well as seminars and workshops in metaphysical and spiritual matters. Weeg is available for sessions at Tri State Holistic Wellness by appointment only.
Contact by text 812.568.5356, or Facebook Messenger to set an appointment.
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